My rambling thoughts

I have wrote this post in my head about a billion times the last few months. I have put it off time and time again but want to get rid of this feeling I keep getting that I need to write this. I'm not sure if its more for me or if there is someone that needs to know they aren't alone is some of my thoughts and feelings but either way I hope it helps someone.

I love the song by Gary Allan. "Life ain't always beautiful

                                              Sometimes it's just plain hard

                                              Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

                                              Life ain't always beautiful

                                              You think you're on your way

                                              And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

                                              But the struggles make you stronger

                                              And the changes make you wise

                                              And happiness has it's own way of takin it's sweet time

                                              .... No, life ain't always beautiful

                                              But I know I'll be fine

                                              Hey, life ain't always beautiful

                                              But it's a beautiful ride

                                              What a beautiful ride "

This song puts to words how I feel so remarkably. The last year has been probably hands down been the hardest year of my life. So many hard decisions that have been made. So much change has happened in my life. Its been really hard for me to know how to sort it all out. There has been good days and many days I felt like my world was so upside down there was nothing that was going to make it right again. However, it has made me dig deeper than I ever have before! It has made me focus on what really is important. It has made me rely on my Savior and His plan for my future. You see.. I'm kind of a control freak. I like to feel like I'm in control and I've learned that I can't always be... even if I want to.

My first lesson was to be grateful for what I DO have. I felt like we had lost EVERYTHING. We went from a beautiful house that we poured so much sweat, blood, and tears into fixing up for a short 9 months to living in my parents basement so we could sell our house. Our progress that we had made over the last several years seemed to just get ripped out of our hands. That is when I was taught a lesson I'll never forget! My good friend and old roommate (who is the whole reason I met Matt) was in a horrible car accident. She was in the ICU in a coma for quite awhile. I was just SICK for her and her family. I couldn't help but be grateful that everyone in my family was healthy. Yes, we are starting over in a sense but we are together and ultimately that is all that matters.

I've been focusing on things that I CAN control. I am the only one that can control my happiness. Happiness is a choice and I've really learned that lately. I am a lot happier when I'm taking care of myself! I had moments I would let my stress and anxiety take over and I accomplished NOTHING. I learned that first thing in the morning I need to take care of ME. I exercise first thing in the morning and I've noticed such a big difference when I do. I feel proud of myself and more confident. (something I struggle with but that is a post for another day)  I've made my eating more relaxed but healthy so it can be sustainable. I try read uplifting things and stay away from things with constant negativity. I'm taking one day at a time and putting more faith in my Heavenly Father than I ever have before and I've seen growth happen.

The days I do all these things are what have gotten me through. I still have days where I let things get me down. My life is no where near sorted out. Life is too short to wait until you find happiness. You have to create your happiness, it doesn't just happen. So my challenge to myself and anyone that is still reading this long post is to find things that make you HAPPY!